Sunday, February 10, 2013

Overcoming shyness!!

I've always been the shy girl. The one everyone describes as being very nice, but other than that, they don't know anything else about me. I'm tired of just being "nice"! It's not because I'm really a mean person, or because I don't think being nice is a good trait. I'm tired of being " nice" because I'm more than that. I have a personality, a deep one. I have emotions and imperfections, skills and talents. A history. When someone refers to me as beings "nice", all it means to me is that they don't know who I am.

Once someone referred to me as being "enigmatic". That's probably the best I could hope for as a shy girl. At worst, I've heard that people believe me to be shy because I don't like them. That hurt, but was really a wake up call for me. I didn't realize I was coming off that way to others. I genuinely like people and am interested in them, I just couldn't break through my own barrier of self consciousness. I would psych myself out and my mind would go blank when trying to have conversations. I thought that being shy was my personality (wrong!) and that if people didn't like it, that was their problem. Later, I learned that shyness is more of a ailment and something that hinders social and personal growth. Shyness makes is nearly impossible for anyone to get to know you, so how can they judge you? The cant. And that is probably the main reason why some people develop the shy disease. Fear of judgement can be crushing, but it is impossible to have relationships without putting yourself out there to be judged. I wish that I had not accepted myself as a "shy" person for so many years. I wished that I had shown myself to the world instead of hid, because now I have a lot of catching up to do! Undoing shyness is doable. It takes practice and diligence, but it pays off very quickly. Undoing shyness doesn't mean that you become a loud mouthed extrovert. It simply means that you force yourself to be politely friendly, as in saying "hello" to your neighbors, getting to know your coworkers, asking for help whenever you need it, and whenever you have thoughts in your head that aren't inappropriate (haha) you share them with those around you! It's not very hard, but for the afflicted, it seems terrifying.

I haven't completely conquered my habit of shyness and hesitation, but I'm working on it every day and I've had some pretty amazing successes. I've scoured the Internet for self help tips and used my new skills to land or be considered for several jobs that I wasn't completely qualified for, but based solely on my person-ability and interest in the work, I was either hired or a major contender. I've also used Craigslist to meet new people in person (I live in a new city where I know almost no one.) and have made new friendships that way.

Right now I still have the goal of meeting some of my neighbors. I have several goodish excuses for not doing that yet. But I need to knock it off with the excuses and bake them some damned cookies! You will find that people tend to judge themselves much harsher than they will judge you and people usually love it when you make the first move!

More to come on the topic of shyness and conquering that beast!!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

First tip! Start changing your brain.

Ok, this is really really super simple. Hardly a tip at all. But I find that one good way to keep myself inspired, enlightened, grounded, and sane, is to be sentimental!  I keep things around the house, in my view, that have meaning to me. I've done a major de-clutter job around the house (which I am still in the process of doing and would like to write about in a later blog.) and I make it a priority to keep certain items available that are not only useful, but have a kind of nostalgic value as well. Here's an example: I drink coffee. (I love coffee. And if you have kids you should drink coffee too, and lots of it.) A simple way that I like to enjoy my coffee time and make myself feel a little pampered, is to use special mugs. I have tons of mugs (and also tea cups). I have sophisticated and very modern one, silly ones, seasonal ones, tea cups from antique stores that I found intriguing, mugs from special vacations, picture mugs, etc., etc. So while drinking coffee is routine to me, the drinking device isn't. I like choosing a mug that fits the way that I feel, or the way that I want to feel. I started doing this after watching one of my favorite movies, Breakfast at Tiffany's. I loved that Holly Golightly drank milk from a wine glass, it's like a form of expression. Taking something as simple and common as drinking milk, and making it a personal expression of where your at in life. Or where you want to be.

It's not a magical thing, but I find that when you set aside a moment in your brain to purposely be sentimental, it can really improve your mood and make you feel empowered as well. You don't have to do it with mugs of course, it can be anything at all. Pick an item, think about what time of your life you were in when you acquired item, who were you with, how did you feel, how have you grown since then? What have you learned? Was there some special memory attached to it, does it inspire you to recreate that time or to do something better? It doesn't have to be a useful item either. Decorate your house in a meaningful way, dress yourself in a meaningful way, cook in a meaningful way, make sexy-time in a meaningful way--you can do it with anything.

Don't be too sentimental though and end up being a pack rat. Throw your junk away! If you break it, chuck it. If you are making a mess with your clutter, pack it up and store it away for awhile. You live on and will acquire new experiences and new items to be sentimental about!

What it's all about

I'm preparing my house to welcome a new baby in the next four months. I've recently realized that the style of which I run my home is very efficiently inefficient. Meaning I have found myself in a system where I am just getting by and getting a whole lot of nothing done. But efficiently. Some how I never have time to wash the dishes or do laundry and I'm too busy for house cleaning. It's a routine both for myself, my husband, and my five year old. I don't want it to be like this! My husband is a full-time student and I will also be starting school a month after the baby is born. In other words, life is about to become brutal! Hence, it seems very pressing that I remedy some of my detrimental habits and kick myself into a productive and streamlined routine with efficient efficiency, so that I might still be able to find some enjoyment in life.

I've been super productive for nearly a month now. And I mean FORCING myself to be productive, all the way. I've found, to my surprise, that non of my tasks are really difficult at all, the difficult part is making myself do them. But I'm enjoying my house so much more now that I'm investing more in it. It truly makes a huge difference!

I have discovered a lot of clever and simple little ways to be a domestic bad-ass (if I do say so myself!) and I want to keep record of them because I know when the next little "bundle of joy" comes along I'm liable to crash and burn again. But I also want to share these fun, helpful tips and stories with other young moms who may be in the same situation =)

I'd also really like feed-back. It would be great to have a little community on here, if anyone ever wants to share anything, aaa-n-y-thing, please DO IT!